Людмила Ансельм - Короткие пьесы

ANNA: You didn’t seem to know him well. Maybe you have met him at our office parties.

PETER: So I know him!

ANNA: There were lots of people there: you didn’t pay much attention to him.

PETER: Why, is he inconspicuous?

ANNA: Inconspicuous to you perhaps, you were more interested in chatting up the ladies.

PETER: Describe him to me maybe I’ll remember him.

ANNA: He is taller than you; his eyes are blue, and his hair…

PETER: Where did you meet?

ANNA: At work… in the office.

PETER: You used to tell me about your work friends in detail. You probably told me about him.

ANNA: I might not have told you much about him…

PETER: Why?

ANNA: It’s not important now.

PETER: Yes, it’s important, since you brought him up. It is important! How well do you know him?

ANNA: None of your business. You decided to have a divorce, and we separated. Now you have your own life, and I – mine.

PETER: Do you think that I don’t still care? After fifteen years!

ANNA: Fifteen years six months and two weeks.

PETER: Anna!

ANNA: Anyway, I don’t see him any more.

PETER: When did you stop?

ANNA: I can’t remember…

PETER: Think… Real… Hard…

ANNA: About a half of year ago, after he quit our office.

PETER: So it is «out of sight, out of mind». And what kind of relationship did you have?

ANNA: What kind of relationship can be between man and woman? Need me to spell it out?

Pause

PETER: You cheated on me…

ANNA: Yes.

PETER: And you told me none of this?

ANNA: I didn’t want to.

PETER: You found somebody and kept on living with me as if nothing had happened!

ANNA: And while living with me you didn’t waste time too…

PETER: That’s why we’re going to divorce. Why didn’t you tell me about him?

ANNA: Peter, if I had made up my mind to divorce you, I would’ve told you everything.

PETER: Why didn’t you want to divorce me?… May be he didn’t want to marry you?

ANNA: When we fell for each other, he was married.

PETER: I suppose, he didn’t want to divorce his wife. How long did your relationship last?

ANNA: I don’t remember exactly… about two…

PETER: What a two-timer you really are! And still I wonder…did you stop seeing each other when he got a new job?

ANNA: At first we met often, but then… He had to drive across the whole city. You know the traffic jams…

PETER: Traffic jams! Was it just traffic jams you blame? Couldn’t you make up anything more interesting? Say, a plane crash: your lover dies falling down from a huge height, or you are attacked by thugs, he defends you but is stabbed in the back, bleeding badly…

ANNA: Peter, stop mocking!

PETER: Ha! Who is mocking who? Your lover moves to the other end of the city, and then – end of love! I would’ve understood you if it was a real passion… but I don’t know what to call this. Some nonsense! Stupidity! Because of this nonsense our whole relationship goes to hell?

ANNA: Our relationship? What did I get? Just humiliation. Did you really love me? Every party you ignored me and quickly found a woman and started flirting. What chance did I have? Just to be a wallflower?

PETER: Did you do all that in revenge? If yes, then that’s different.

ANNA: It doesn’t matter whether I did this in revenge or not…

Pause.

He was extraordinary, very considerate, loved me, used to bring me flowers…

PETER: Considerate: traffic jams and end of love! Don’t you feel ashamed to tell me, your husband, all this? After fifteen years together…

ANNA: Fifteen years six months and two weeks.

PETER: Anna!

Anna (comes close.): Peter!

Peter (pushes her away.): Give me his phone number.

ANNA: What for?

PETER: I want to meet him… and his wife.

ANNA: And why his wife?

PETER: I’ll compare her and you! Give me his phone number!

ANNA: I don’t have it.

PETER: That’s a lie, Anna. You’re lying!

ANNA: I don’t have it… not since we parted.

PETER: Then – his last name. Well, come on!

ANNA: I won’t.

PETER: Oh, I understand, it means that you didn’t have anybody and any relationship. You’ve made up the whole romance. Nobody hankered after you, just your sick imagination: love, infidelity, traffic jams – all this is a lie. Our whole life together was a mistake.

ANNA: Peter, but we had such fun together.

PETER: Fun? Me? Never! What’re you talking about? All our life together was a complete and utter torture for me.

ANNA: Our “grunge” costume party…

PETER: Ya, friends still mention it, but that was different.

ANNA: Why?

PETER: I’ve never loved you, not a moment!

Anna (slowly): Full moon… Lake George… when we slipped off the paddle boat… You like to sleep touching me…

PETER: (pause) It was long ago.

ANNA: Peter, why did you marry me?

PETER: Your pregnancy.

ANNA: But it was a mistake.

PETER: I decided that I was committed to marry you…Well, I’ve come to see you on business. I finally wanted to dot all the “i”s. Now I understand everything. You’re a liar and disgusting trash! I feel suffocated! I’m divorcing you. I’ll complete the divorce agreement myself. Good-bye!

Peter leaves. Anna runs after him.

ANNA: Peter, wait stop! I told you a lie!

PETER: (stops at the door). More lies?

ANNA: Listen, I had a love affair and it ended when he, my lover, died in a car crash. He was hurrying to be with me when…(Anna swallows hard.) passed a bus and hit another car…

Pause.

PETER: Passed a bus? Passed… When did it happen?

ANNA: Six months ago.

PETER: Six months… It was Michael! My best friend!

ANNA: Yes, Michael.

PETER: How did it happen?

ANNA: He was hurrying to see me…

PETER: I introduced you to Michael! I was proud for you to see what a wonderful friend I had.

ANNA: He was really a wonderful…

PETER: You’re going to say “a lover”? I can’t believe… it can’t be true. If there had been something between you, I certainly would have noticed it.

ANNA: You and Michael didn’t meet so often lately… He was afraid that you would suspect us.

PETER: I respected him so much: joyful, full of life, and so tragically… We’d been friends as kids: at school, at college…he had always rescued me… when we were about twelve; a dog jumped out and grabbed my leg… Michael found a stick and beat the dog away. I still have the scar; I can show it to you.

ANNA: I’ve seen your “dog bite” a lot of times…

PETER: We used to be close friends… Used to read each other well, so quick on the uptake… How come I didn’t notice anything?

ANNA: You were busy… You so persistently hung round his wife.

PETER: It was nothing serious… (angry silence.) Oh, and she must’ve noticed that there was something between you. Women – they notice everything. I’ll call her right now…

Grabs his cell phone.

ANNA: Stop it! Can you really call a woman who lost her husband just six months ago and ask her about her husband’s infidelity?

Peter silently closes his cell phone and throws it.

ANNA: Didn’t you have an affair with her? I thought that you were seeing each other, especially after his death.

PETER: How could he? I cannot believe… My best friend…

Silence while Peter stares with confused interest at Anna.

ANNA: Why are looking at me like that?

PETER: Anna, what did he see in you?

ANNA: Think…

PETER: I don’t… Tell me, please…

ANNA: He loved me… It was real passion…

PETER: Amazing! So unexpectedly. He was striking, brilliant, so able…

Pause.

What now…

ANNA: Peter, you’ve come to agree about our divorce. Let’s start.

PETER: Anna, wait, wait… let me see…

ANNA: Just a second. I will get the agreement you sent me.

PETER: Anna, I don’t know…

ANNA: Since you’ve come, let’s do it. We need to dot all the “i”s…

PETER: I need time…I have to understand… Maybe, I’ve changed my mind…

THE END

BOB: 14-year-old boy

MA: Peter’s mother

A living room. Curtains drawn over a window. At rise BOB’S hand is poised and eyes are staring at the phone he expects to answer any second. Ma enters in a rush and grabs for the phone. Peter deftly deflects her hand and grabs the receiver him self.

MA: Why did you do that? I have to call Aunt Gail.

BOB: Call her later.

MA: I want to call her now.

BOB: Can’t you see? I’m expecting a call.

MA: Who?

BOB: Emma will call. We agreed to go to the movies.

MA: Why don’t you call her?

BOB: It’s the Sabbath. Her family can’t use the phone until “first star”, like around sunset time.

MA: Give me the phone. Gail and I can certainly finish talking before sunset!

BOB: No! Emma will call any minute from a pay phone.

(Ma upset, falls into the sofa)

Call later after Emma and I go… or call her on your cell phone…

MA: I have to pay to use the cell phone before nine o’clock.

BOB: Call after nine… What’s the hurry?

MA: Aunt Gail owed me $100. She gave it back to me yesterday, but when I counted it, $10 was missing. Maybe this was her installment idea, or a mistake.

BOB: Why doesn’t Emma call? I asked her a week ago and I reminded her again yesterday. She promised to call. I hope… I hope…

MA: Try calling her yourself.

BOB: I did. No one answered. Maybe she’s sick.

MA: If she’s sick she certainly should have called you.

BOB: Look at me Ma. What’s different?

(Ma peers at BOB)

MA: You shaved! Why?

BOB: Girls were teasing me “Fuzz Face”. What do you think?

MA: That was such nice soft fuzz on your cheeks. I loved to stroke it. Where did you get the razor?

BOB: Uncle Ted, Aunt Gale’s boyfriend. He has an electric shaver.

MA: So soon…

BOB: I told you I wanted to shave.

MA: I know you wanted to shave for your date… Did you use an after-shave lotion?

BOB: No. Should have?

MA: All your pimples are bright red… Next time we’ll at least put some rubbing alcohol on your face after shaving…

BOB: I saw… I’m so embarrassed… Ma why doesn’t Emma call? She should…

MA: I don’t know… Instead of doing your homework you are wasting time shaving too soon and mooning over a girl. Silliness…

BOB: It’s not silly. I just want to go to the movies with Emma… Practically all the boys in my class have girl friends… I have nothing to boast about and, they don’t talk to me…

MA: And they won’t until you do better in school… Good marks get respect…

BOB: Girls don’t care about boys’ marks! They like boys who risk and clown and have to stay after school.

MA: Emma?

BOB: She’s smart…

MA: Then why don’t you work harder? Talk to her about hard homework…

BOB: There’s nothing I’m interested in…

MA: Now the school psychiatrist wants me to go and talk with him. Are you arguing with your teachers again?

BOB: They tell stories and stupid lies.

MA: What lies? Tell the truth now!

BOB: Mr. Small my biology teacher said that he’s reading Solzhenizin’s book “Archipelago Gulag” and that if a man peed outside in the winter cold the hospital could operate on his frozen penis without anesthesia!

(Pause)

I raised my hand and said this was stupid.

MA: How do you know that it was not true?

BOB: I didn’t, but I asked Uncle Ted and he agreed that it didn’t sound right.

MA: I really don’t care whether it can happen… tell me better about your session yesterday with the psychiatrist.

BOB (bored): He wanted me to put the words on some little wooden blocks in alphabetic order.

MA: So?